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[kickem]

Ray. Leave a message.

[Texts, calls (for 90s canon and modern day) and pictures and videos (for modern day)]

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[kickem]

Canada? No. Why?

[Blinking down at the guy on the floor. Seriously weird social skills. Possibly weirder than Fraser's.]

Have you seriously not uh, y'know, had sex in thousands of years?

[hairlocked]

You mentioned it before.

[ Although he supposed going to the consulate was entirely out of bounds now, considering Ray wanted to keep him away from Fraser. He flickered into a wary smile. ]

Let me see...beautiful, Egyptian. So yes, thousands of years. [ He sighed. ] It used to be you just knocked them senseless and threw them over your shoulder.

[kickem]

Oh, right, the consulate. Uh. Yeah.

[The worlds most dismissive yeah of all time.]

Fuck, I never thought I'd meet a guy who'd had less sex than me in this millennia. Although, pretty sure the knockin' on head thing counts as rape, buddy.

[hairlocked]

You'd be surprised. It was the way things were done for the longest time.

[ He chews on his knuckle for a moment, inadvertently licking a lot of the blood away in the process. ]

You haven't... [ He gestured to the bruise coming up on his jaw. ] There's never been anyone else?

[kickem]

[A shrug. Damn, he's starting to realise his own stupidity at even bringing this up in the first place. Should not talk about sex, or lack of, with a random dude. Even if it is a ruggedly handsome dude.]

Not like. Uh. Not successful stuff, nah, not really.

[hairlocked]

Not successful? You mean there were attempts?

[ He squints up at Ray, who's looking wary and uncertain now, and if Leoben was remotely human he wouldn't blame him. Instead it's awkwardness all the way, and touching his knee again. ]

You mean you couldn't close the deal. Do you think you've forgotten how?

[kickem]

[The knee touch is enough to have him stepping just slightly away, still uncertain of the touch and entirely unused to much physical connection beyond friends and family.]

Not forgotten. Just, y'know? Hard to find anyone when you're workin' all the time, I guess. And uh, the uh, the women I manage to ask out don't... [Awkward shrug.] ... Don't stick around.

[hairlocked]

[ Leoben frowns, going back to chewing on his knuckles for a moment, then raises his finger, pointing it upward at the bridge of Ray's nose. He stepped forward, leaned in. If Ray kept dodging away from him like this he was going to trip over his own furniture. ]

The women you ask out don't know what they're missing. I always thought so, but like I said, it's been a while.

A long [ Step. ] Long time.

[kickem]

[At this rate he will trip over his own furniture, which is exactly what he does do as he twists and stumbles his way into the coach, catching right at the back of his knees and dropping heavily into the seat.]

Uh.

[This guy is unrelenting and has that weird creeper vibe going on. Why does Ray allow creepers into his home?]

Look, I'm sure you're a nice guy and all, good lookin' too, but you uh. I'm not so interested in the sex talk.

[hairlocked]

[ No, there's no escape. Leoben makes a little jump forward and lands sitting across Ray's lap like a child appealing to Santa for pressies. He links his arms around his neck, cheerful, and smiles. ]

Come on. I'll take you out on the town. I can be your wing man. [ He leant in, nosing against Ray's ear. ] We can tell people we're identical twins. It's everyone's secret fantasy, isn't it?

[kickem]

[Ugh, fiiiine. Ray's pretty sure he's not gonna get rid of this guy easily. Still going to very slightly lean away.]

You wanna go out on the town? I dunno, man. That ain't really my bag.

[hairlocked]

That's your problem right there. How are you going to find anyone if you don't enjoy spending your free time with other people.

[ He definitely isn't going anywhere. Not at all. In fact he looks quite comfortable settled on Ray's lap, arms around his shoulders, and just to add insult to injury he lays his head down on top of his arm where it lays on Ray's shoulder. ]

[kickem]

I spend enough time with other people. Don't need to go to bars for that.

[Eye roll as his head stays tilted away.]

Why do you care anyways? Not like I need anyone.

[hairlocked]

There are other people in the world other than criminals. Not everyone is dreaming of ways to kill or steal; they have the potential to love, to improve you.

[ Leoben leans in just slightly, snuggling almost. ]

You want children. You always have. Growing up an only child will do that to you.

[kickem]

I dunno. I'd say pretty much everyone wants to lie, cheat and steal their way through life. Don't gotta be a cop to notice that.

[At least there's still Canadians.]

Look. You seem like a nice guy and all, but I ain't into this whole snugglin' strangers dealio, alright? And I'm especially not into talkin' babies and marriage and stuff with 'em. Me and kids is my own business.